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Why is a swept wing better than an unswept wing?
-Bill in Bassett, Wis.

Dear Bill:
Because cleanlines is next to Godliness.

-jake


Which is the better hobby, modeling or fishing?
Can't Decide in Camden, NJ

Dear Can't Decide:
They're both great. In fact, I like them each so much that I've found a way to combine them. Stop by sometime and I'll show you my collection of model fish. (The carp won Non-Military Scale at Toledo in 1989).
-jake


I'm an electronics technician with the Air Force. As a military member, I move frequently as my assignments change. My last two assignments were Rome Air Force Base in upstate New York and Arnold Air Force Base near Tullahoma, Tennessee. Both were rural areas with lots of green grass and trees.

I've just recently moved to Edwards Air Force Base in the California desert. No trees, no water, just sand and scrub brush.

Did I mention that I was an RC modeler? RC sailplanes, specifically. Well, I've noticed that my planes just don't fly as well at my new desert flying site as they used to back east where the flying fields were all greenery. The sink rate is way up, the control response is sluggish, and I haven't had a flight over two minutes since I got here.

My question is this. Are there less aerions in the desert than in the green belt? Is that why my ships are performing so poorly?
Staff Sergeant in Kern County, CA

Dear Staff Sergeant:
Desert air is hotter and drier than forest air, but not because there are fewer aerions.

You have misinterpreted my past comments on aerions. Aerions are not found in air, they are found in your airplane. The more aerions your airplane has, the greater its aerodynamic half-life will be. Aerodynamic half-life, I hope you recall, is the time it takes for an airplane to lose half irs ability to fly. This decay is the result ofaerion particle emission.

In your case, you appear to have been unaware that Air Force household goods shipping regulations classify aerions as a hazardous material. All the


aerions wereprobably removed from your airplanes by the government hauler before he would transport your models to your new duty station. And typical of a lowest-bid contractor, he no doubt failed to replace them upon delivery to your new residence. That's why your airplanes don't fly worth a hoot.

It's an easy problem to remedy, however. Go down to Pep Boys and get yourself an 9-ounce can of aerions. Ajax is a good brand and so is Acme. Don't get suckered into the aerosol can. I know it looks like a convenience, but it costs more and you'll lose a lot to overspray. Find the holes in your airframes where the mover pumped out your aerions and pour in a fresh supply. Seal the holes and you'll soon be soaring up a storm again.
-jake


What's the most prestigious award you've ever received?
Hank in Hollowell, NM

Dear Hank:
A pardon from the governor.
- jake


Would it be safe to use my 1989 radio in 1991?
Gene in Glen Cove, L.I.

Dear Gene:
Not if you haven't charged the battery in all that time.
- jake


I read in a letter near the beginning of this column that the government considered aerions to be a hazardous material. Why would that be the case?
Roscoe in Rye, NY

Dear Roscoe:
I was curious myself when I first heard that the Air Force treated aerions as hazardous, so I did a little research to find out why that was. It seems that after World War II, when Werner von Braun had come over to our side, he was planning some research with aerions to see if they

would extend the range of ballistic missiles. A Lt. Eugene Felch, an aide to the Air Force Chief of Staff, transported some aerions to Washington, D.C. in his briefcase. The aerions were to be a visual aid hoped to sway a Senate subcommittee voting on funding for von Braun's project.

It seems that Felch's airliner was unable land due to excess aerions that leaked out the lieutenant's briefcase during the flight Apparently, it kept flying for days, even before it ran out of gas. On the sixth day, passenger and crew personal hygiene problems reached a critical state and a massive cloud of beodes was released into the cabin. Beodes, as you recall, are particles emitted by unwashed clothing or bodies that are repelled by olfactorons and cause rising air columns known as Bergstrom Oblate Air Masses, or B.O. thermals. The ensuing atomic reaction. between the aerions and the beodes caused a backwash in the airliner's lavatory system, and a surge of blue fluid blew the tail cone right off the airplane. It fell into a Georgia cotton field, killing several boll weevils.

Based on this incident, the Air Force has deemed all aerions hazardous and will not transport them through populated areas. This policy has now also been adopted by the National Transportation Safety Council which posts those "NC" signs warning trucks with "hazardous cargo" to take the bypass routes around major cities. Until the legislators grant us a waiver, those of us driving around with aerion-laden model airplanes in our station wagons will apparently have to keep off the interstates.
- jake


Alex Trebec, host of 'Jeopardy.'
Cal from Conway, NH.

Dear Cal:
What TV personality, originally from Canada, is an R/C model airplane enthusiast?
- jake


Reprinted From MODEL BUILDER Magazine November 1991
Click here to go to the DEAR JAKE archives.

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